…endless ‘what if’s’

What if your new coworkers or boss turn out to be less than ideal? These thoughts keep circling. Causing increasing anxiety and frustration and making you even more uncertain about what to do.

You feel yourself becoming totally absorbed by what you should choose. Your mind racing with the potential outcomes and what if’s of the decision.

Seeking clarity

You decide to seek advice from your friends, thinking their input might help calm your racing thoughts. However, instead of clarity, you’re met with multiple opinions that only add to your confusion, and of course the friend that says, “only you will know what the right path is for you”. You’re left feeling frustrated and no closer to making a decision. You find yourself pondering….

…”I need to consider every possible outcome to make the right call, right?” “How else will I be able to make the right decision?”

Well, here’s the deal – it’s all about your intention behind that thinking. There’s a big difference between over-thinking for fear of the outcome and thinking with considered discernment to find the right pathway forward.

Overthinking

Is excessive, unproductive, and often negative thinking that leads to indecision, anxiety, and feeling stuck. It’s void of gut feeling.

Considered discernment

Is a combination of trusting your gut feeling then using the mind to move you towards the desired outcome.

How do you know which it is you’re doing? By checking in with yourself for a bit of self-reflection. When you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself:

PROBLEM:

❌  Are those butterflies in your stomach going haywire with anxiety?

❌  Do your thoughts feel like a racecar on a track with no brakes?

❌  Are those thoughts playing on a never-ending loop, with no answers in sight?

❌ Does it seem like all the outcomes you imagine are leaning towards the gloomy side?

❌  How’s your body feeling? Any tummy troubles or stubborn headaches? Appetite MIA?

❌  Can you think about anything else without resorting to distractions?

If you’re nodding “yes” to at least two or maybe all of these questions, you, my dear, are indeed overthinking. 

Here’s what’s happening.

Your amazing body is equipped with a built-in survival mechanism known as “fight or flight” mode. When it senses danger, it literally prepares your body to either run from or fight the threat you are facing.

Back in caveman times, this system was a lifesaver when we faced real, tangible threats like predators. 

These days however, we’re not facing life threatening predators on a daily basis, right?

Instead, our everyday challenges like disagreements with friends or making the ‘wrong’ decision in a situation is what creates that same sense of threat.

So, while it’s great to have this built-in protection mode, it’s important to recognize when it’s being a little too cautious and learn how to dial it down when it’s not needed. 

The worst part?

All you can seem to focus on are the worst-case scenarios.

Why?

Because your system believes that being prepared for the worst is the way to protect you from future disappointment, getting hurt, being judged, or facing rejection. Whatever that perceived threat may be, your system is utterly fixated on keeping you safe.

Those negative thought patterns are used as a way to better prepare you to handle any dire consequences that are coming.

Here’s the thing though: it often just leads to

“analysis paralysis.”

You get so caught up in analysing every angle that you either can’t make a decision or find peace with that lingering conversation from earlier in the day.

All the while, you feel exhausted by the constant mind chatter and anxiety making it impossible to get any peace of mind. 

It’s so committed to this mission that when you find yourself in this heightened “fight or flight” state, making a decision based on thoughtful discernment is as elusive as befriending a unicorn. 

Eventually, feeling drained and stressed out and defeated by the whole thing you decide not to apply for that job to end the whole clusterf**** in your head.

Unfortunately this is usually followed up by feelings of self judgement, blaming yourself for not being stronger or more confident or adventurous enough to take the leap.

Solution:

Moving from the cycle of overthinking to

finding clarity in decision-making involves tapping into your intuition.

You might be wondering how to make that shift?

Well, it’s indeed a journey, but guess what? I’ve got a roadmap to help you along the way.

I get it; it can be quite intimidating to loosen your grip on overthinking. In the beginning, it feels like you must overanalyze everything to make the right call.

However,

Overthinking is simply a protective mechanism of your nervous system.

Acknowledging this amkes it easier to break free from the repetitive pattern.

You can then connect with your body, understand your emotions regarding a decision, and make choices from there.

Follow these 4 steps to overcoming overthinking. 

STEPS/ SOLUTION: 

Step 1: Be Aware of Your Thoughts

So, first things first, take a breather so that you can gain some perspective.  Pay attention to those thoughts that are on loop in your head. Notice how they seem to lean toward the negative side.

Now, realise that these thoughts are coming from your nervous system’s reaction  bringing you into fight or flight mode trying to keep you safe from things like failure, disappointment, or rejection.

Before realising this you are likely to judge yourself thinking you’re too weak, too scattered, not confident enough which is untrue.

Step 2: Ask Some Questions

Are these looping thoughts actually helping you, or are they just making things more complicated and stressful? Most of the time, they’re actually making things harder for you, keeping you in analysis paralysis.

Instead of getting lost in a maze of options, keep it simple. Ask yourself

“How would I feel if I went with Plan A?” and then, “How about if I went with Plan B?”

The key here is to tune into how you feel about each one, not what you think.

Step 3: Tune Into Your Gut Feeling

This one takes some practice. As you’re bombarded by a flurry of thoughts, just remember that your mind is doing its best to look out for you. You can even give it a little mental pat on the back, if that helps. Then, shift your focus to your body.

Notice how your body feels about each option. Do you sense tension or relaxation in different parts of your body? Trust that “gut feeling” you have. It’s like your inner compass trying to steer you in the right direction.

Step 4: Take charge

You’re in control here. Recognize that you have the power to steer the decision-making ship. See the overthinking for the protection mechanism that it is, thank your mind for trying to protect you and then come back to how each option makes you feel in your body.

The mind is an excellent tool to use but it should never be allowed to be in charge.

Trust that gut feeling and then use the mind to create a plan to move you forward. 

You can couple this process with nervous system regulation techniques to help calm the body and mind so that you can better tune into your gut feeling. See here for those practices.

Result: Making confident decisions

Imagine this:

You went for it and took that job. One year later you look back on the changes you made and you’re filled with satisfaction in your decision. Career-wise, you’ve had opportunities galore, and your professional journey has accelerated. 

Your boss has turned out to be the mentor you had been longing for and you’re loving what you’re learning working together.

Because you got over your overthinking you can make discerning decisions with a clear head feeling connected to your intuition.

Instead of lying awake overthinking at 3am you’re out celebrating with your colleagues who have also become your friends. 

Those ‘what ifs’? Now they’re all about ‘what’s next,’ and you’re excited and optimistic about the future. Taking that job has added more than you could have imagined to your life.

One of the most liberating aspects of conquering overthinking is that you will have the skills to make decisions using considered discernment and intuition. Instead of racing thoughts on loop your mind is clear allowing you to connect into and trust your gut feeling more easefully. 

Instead of second-guessing everything you do or say, you start to trust yourself.

You become more open to experiences, willing to take calculated risks because you will know what feels right for you without your head getting in the way. 

Your whole body will feel at ease too, releasing tension from the constant overthinking will mean less headaches, better digestion and of course better sleep!

Wouldn’t it feel great to make decisions with this much confidence?

Have a go at the four steps to overcoming overthinking and see what happens for you.

It’s helpful to keep a journal as you go so that you can keep a track of your progress.

I would also love to know how you get on so feel free to comment on this blog or drop me an email.

Billee x