Is the inner battle you’re fighting  f*%king you up?

I Remembered back to sitting on the beach stairs, regaining my senses. I watched a super fit woman jogging energetically with her dog.

Feeling a bit dazed and out of shape, I was hit by a sudden longing to have that level of vitality again. I still yearned to be capable of that. But it was swiftly followed by frustration and a sense of failure.

I felt like I needed to push myself harder, that things were just more challenging now being pregnant, so I had to put in extra effort in order to feel like myself to keep up the pace that I enjoy and I’m used to.

Later, while having coffee and a banana with my mother-in-law, the same woman bounded back along the beach, this time in her swimsuit after her long run.

Again, I thought, “I want that; that’s me,” but the pang in my chest was a painful recognition that the identity I held was quite different from how I could actually show up for myself at this moment.

In My Reflections later, what I started to see was that I was clinging desperately to my ‘current’ identity of being a fit, capable, independent woman.

For instance, that morning, I had left home in a rush, headed to the beach for a dog walk after having a single glass of water and no food because that’s my usual routine – wake up, work out, get things done.

I came to a realisation that I was holding on tightly to my “old” self. Even calling it my “old identity” feels a bit funny.

Truth is, I’m content with who I’ve become, having put in a lot of work on my inner self to be a person I genuinely love and enjoy being.

However, with pregnancy transforming my body and the impending shift into motherhood, I could sense a threat to the person I’d crafted.

Letting go of that old me seemed daunting because it meant embracing an entirely new, uncharted version of myself. 

That prospect was intimidating, and frankly, not something I initially welcomed. It left me feeling disoriented, like I’d lost touch with who I was and had no clue who I was evolving into.

I feared losing my sense of self, I had created an identity of being a fiercely independent woman.

A career woman who follows her dreams,  a woman who can look after herself mentally and physically,  can meet her needs and communicate her boundaries.  This shift into motherhood seemed to threaten everything that I knew myself to be.

This resistance to change brewed an ongoing internal struggle, casting a cloud of stress over my life.

I clung to my daily routine as if it were a lifeline; it was how I maintained my desired appearance and well-being.

But, in my resistance to change, I was jeopardising not only my own well-being but also that of my baby.

What I gradually came to realise was that my battle against this shift in identity was triggering a constant state of anxiety in my nervous system.

I was essentially at odds with reality itself. The reality was that my body was undergoing changes – that was a fact.

My identity was transforming from a ‘me focused life’ to motherhood – also a fact. Yet, I was expending all my energy fighting to remain unchanged.

This fight was sapping my energy and breeding fear within me. I was in a constant struggle, and the resistance was palpable.

It left me feeling defeated and apprehensive about the person I was evolving into because it didn’t align with the old me I was clinging to.

I could feel my nervous system going into overdrive. From a neurological perspective, our bodies tend to perceive any change, whether it’s a change we’re trying to make or one that’s being imposed on us, as a threat.

Our nervous system craves predictability and the familiar because it interprets these as safety measures. When it can anticipate what’s coming, it can better protect us.

So, whenever we attempt to step out of our comfort zones, whether it’s a conscious choice or just life pushing us in that direction, our nervous system goes on high alert, fearing an uncertain and unknown future.

This adds to the internal struggle I was already facing – not only was I grappling with the reality of my situation, but my body was also physically reacting to fight against change.

All  the usual indicators were there – that restless feeling, the sensation of pushing myself even when I didn’t really have the energy, getting irked by little things, dealing with tension headaches, and feeling utterly exhausted.

It was like my body was trying to send me a message, but all I kept telling myself was that I was just dealing with a lot at the moment.

As I contemplated this newfound insight, the realisation that my internal struggle was a major source of my stress, something divine seemed to intervene.

I heard a resounding voice, as clear as if someone were speaking right beside me, saying,

“Let the grace of life flow through you.”

I could feel the truth of this statement coursing through my entire being. The message was crystal clear and profoundly undeniable.

You see, when you find yourself in a battle with reality, desperately clutching to the past or what’s familiar due to fear of moving forward or fear of the unknown that lies ahead, you essentially block the blessings meant for you.

In my firm grip on my old identity, I was missing out on the enchantment that this transformation was bringing my way.

If I wasn’t careful, if I hadn’t realised this, I’d miss out on all the treasures waiting for me if I were open to this change.

It truly struck a chord deep in my heart.

While it was still a bit intimidating to embrace such a significant shift in identity, I knew, in that very moment, that it was essential. If I could release my resistance to it, I would discover a new way of knowing myself that I couldn’t even begin to imagine just how incredible it could be.

“Allow the grace of life to flow through you”

has now become my guiding mantra, giving me the strength to welcome this shift in my identity.

Viewing the act of allowing as a process, it’s like signaling to my system that it’s okay for this transformation to happen.

Now that I’m fully conscious of how detrimental the internal battle I’ve been waging can be, I’m willing to let go of that struggle.

In the past week, I’ve started to put this into action, actively embracing the shift, maintaining curiosity about what lies ahead, and remaining open to the gifts that come my way.

I also recognize that I can carry over the things I cherish about myself, the qualities I’ve worked hard to nurture and attain. Certain elements, like my values, will remain a part of my identity.

Things that hold great significance to me, such as taking care of my well-being and maintaining strong, clear boundaries, will still be integral in this new version of myself.

I don’t need to fight against it anymore.

However, there are aspects of myself that will naturally fade away – a sort of ego death. It’s a part of life, a universal law that things are born, they live, and eventually, they come to an end.

I believe this happens to us continuously throughout our lives; It’s the cycle of growth if we allow it. Different versions of ourselves are born, we live them out, and eventually, we must release them in order to welcome the newer version of ourselves.

Learning to Allow this process is part of the journey.  It teaches us ultimate surrender and invites us to learn how to receive. 

To fight this process is essentially going against the very fabric of the universe. 

So how do you overcome an inner battle you find yourself stuck in? Here are some tools that you can use to free yourself and allow for your next growth evolution.


Self Reflection:

Think about what’s currently bugging you in life. You know, we often find ourselves in this inner battle with the way things are, whether it’s about who we are or stuff happening around us. It’s like, we’re trying to fight against reality itself.

So, take a sec and ask yourself, are you pushing back against what’s actually going on? Maybe there’s a situation you’d rather not deal with, and you’re resisting it.

It’s a pretty big deal when you think about it. This question makes you dig into how often you’re at odds with the way things are, whether it’s a personal change or something happening in the world around you.


So, picture this: You’ve been going head-to-head with something, trying to change it or make it go away.

When you finally say, “Okay, I get it, this is how it is,” you basically call a truce in your mind ending the inner battle.

All that mental and emotional energy you were blowing in the battle is suddenly yours again. You feel a huge weight off your shoulders, immense relief and your stress levels drop  meaning your nervous system can come out of fight or flight and start to regulate

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re resigned to the situation; on the contrary, it allows you to stop battling against it and start working with it, whether that means moving through it, forgiving yourself or someone else, or finding a constructive way forward.

Nervous system regulation techniques

Now, here’s another handy tool to keep in your toolbox – nervous system regulation techniques.

These are those practices where you use your body to signal to your mind that you’re safe, especially when you’ve been stuck in high stress or sympathetic activation for a while

Nervous system regulation is a two-part journey. First, it’s about working with your body in real-time, like doing some calming breathing exercises or meditation to help your system unwind and find its equilibrium.

Click here for a few helpful practices. 

But the other part is understanding what’s happening beneath the surface. When you figure out what’s causing the stress and internal battles, you can use tools like acceptance to cool things down and stop the never-ending activation cycle.

By letting the grace of life flow through you,

embracing change, and practicing acceptance you will be able to regulate your nervous system. 

Imagine feeling that sense of relief that comes with acceptance, the energy that will flood back into your body because it’s not being used in battle. 

Imagine experiencing the fruits of your ability to surrender to what is, the magic that’s instore for you as you allow yourself to embrace your next evolution of growth. 

I would love to hear from you if this resonates or if you try these practices so please leave a comment if find this helpful!

Billee xx

Written by billee white

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