I could feel it in my body, I could feel it in my mood.

However,  I was absolutely certain that there was nothing I could do about it,  that it all came down to all of the pressure from everything around me. 

In my moment of self-reflection though it hit me, it was suddenly crystal clear that a substantial chunk of this stress and pressure I was feeling was self-inflicted.

Yup that’s right. It was coming from me. I was the one driving a lot of the timelines I was imposing and the expectations I had on myself and that more than anything else was the biggest cause of my stress.

It was obviously taking a huge toll on my pregnant body.

If you had asked me before my epiphany, I would’ve firmly believed that all the pressure I was feeling was entirely justified and coming from external sources.

I’d have argued that, of course, the baby has a set arrival time, and there’s no way around prepping for that. I mean, what choice did I have?

I would have also insisted that my business situation was genuinely dire, and that I would be failing my clients and my partner if I didn’t sort everything out before my maternity leave.

You see, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I knew that I was stressed.

I could feel it in my body, I could feel it in my mood.

However,  I was absolutely certain that there was nothing I could do about it,  that it all came down to all of the pressure from everything around me. 

In my moment of self-reflection though it hit me, it was suddenly crystal clear that a substantial chunk of this stress and pressure I was feeling was self-inflicted.

Yup that’s right. It was coming from me. I was the one driving a lot of the timelines I was imposing and the expectations I had on myself and that more than anything else was the biggest cause of my stress.

It was obviously taking a huge toll on my pregnant body.

If you had asked me before my epiphany, I would’ve firmly believed that all the pressure I was feeling was entirely justified and coming from external sources.

I’d have argued that, of course, the baby has a set arrival time, and there’s no way around prepping for that. I mean, what choice did I have?

I would have also insisted that my business situation was genuinely dire, and that I would be failing my clients and my partner if I didn’t sort everything out before my maternity leave.

And, if someone had dared to suggest that maybe, just maybe, I was the one heaping on most of this pressure, I’d probably have reacted pretty defensively.

I would have thought they just didn’t get what I was dealing with and told them to back off.

My reaction to anyone’s suggestion that I should slow down always resulted in a recoiling of all of my being, a total resistance to the idea.

I did not want to slow down, in fact I wanted to speed up. 

So let’s look at what was going on in my stressy little head:

I was overwhelmed by a whirlwind of responsibilities. The looming arrival date of the baby made everything seem like it had to be done yesterday.

I felt like I was racing against the clock in everything I did. 

Living with a constant sense of urgency and self-imposed pressure, I felt like I was racing against time in every aspect of life.

You can imagine what this was doing to my nervous system keeping me in a constant state of  fight or flight.

As the extra wobble on my thighs grew, the mounting pressure to get my body in shape for a safe and speedy childbirth got stronger.

The problem was, I couldn’t work out like I used to, I didn’t have the energy. This ongoing battle left me with a sinking feeling, like I was forever climbing a hill I couldn’t conquer fueling  defeat and frustration.

I felt agitated and completely out of control.

Another significant sources of pressure:

The transition from being self-employed to preparing for maternity leave. I have a deep love for my business and my clients, and I didn’t want to leave them high and dry during my time off. 

I had also always been fiercely self-reliant, and the idea of suddenly relying on my partner seemed inconceivable.

I knew I would feel like a failure if I couldn’t continue to contribute financially. It didn’t even matter that I was growing a human being – I’d always identified with being an independent woman who earns her own income.

This made the idea of taking a break from my business daunting and undesirable and added to my stress. 

In addition to all those extra pressures, there were the usual everyday challenges. You know, the stuff like running a household, meal prepping for a healthier lifestyle, taking care of the animals and being a great partner.

And looming in the background was that big shift into motherhood, which is absolutely massive. But, I felt like I had zero time to even think about this transition.

Pressure = stress

I was spiralling into stress and feeling constantly on edge, overwhelmed by life’s challenges.

The clear indicators for me that I am sympathetically activated or in my fight or flight response in my system are overthinking, dwelling on worst-case scenarios, and adopting a generally pessimistic outlook. 

It got to the point where I was catastrophizing things, like believing we’d never find a house and end up homeless. I was also convinced that my business would crumble cwithout a proper continuation plan, leaving everything I’d worked for in ruins.

Stress is also a joy kill. I remember one Friday evening, I told myself it was time to relax and have some fun, but the mounting tasks and the agitation within me made it seem impossible.

I remember thinking at the time who has space for fun?, how am I even going to have fun right now when there’s so many things to worry about and stress about and do before my time runs out.

So why on earth would I do this to myself, you might wonder?

Well, there are a few answers why we pressure ourselves unnecessarily.

Let’s take a look at the pressures and internal stresses that I was facing to get some clear examples of how we can end up in our own self-imposed stress prison. 

Pressure 1: Body Image and Birth Fitness

I felt this mounting pressure to get my body in tip-top shape for a safe and speedy childbirth.

Where did it come from? 

It was linked to my self-identity and buying into societal pressures of maintaining the same weight throughout pregnancy and instantly bouncing back afterward.

Pressure 2: Self-Identification and Self-Worth

I was an independant woman! I couldn’t imagine relying on my partner financially and felt like I’d be a failure if I did.

This pressure originated from this strongly held personal identity and insecurities, it was so strong that I couldn’t accept the gift that my partner actually wanted to support me. 

All these beliefs, projections, and imposed timelines became a self-imposed prison, trapping me in a cycle of overthinking and self-judgement, which only increased my stress.

So what’s the solution to this?

How do you get out of this mindset if you completely believe in everything that you’re thinking?  How do you do this without needing a wake up call as dire is fainting on a public beach? 

Sure, there are genuine external pressures in life, like deadlines and time constraints for certain tasks.

The key difference in how stressed you get depends on how you perceive and relate to these pressures. 

This self-induced pressure is something we can control. Once you become aware of it, you gain the power to decide whether it’s helping or hurting you. You can then choose to release yourself from that unnecessary burden.

Here’s the solution – Self pressure check:

1. Learn to spot when you’re deep in high-stress mode.

Map your nervous system to understand those body signals that scream “sympathetic activation” (that’s the fancy term for being super stressed).

2. Self-Questioning Time:

Start asking yourself the big question: Is this pressure I’m feeling all from the outside world or am I my own pressure cooker?

Be real with your answer; honesty’s the key.

3. Is it me?

If you figure out that about 80% of the pressure is your very own creation, here’s the next question: Can I change how I’m dealing with this situation to ease up on myself a bit?

Remember, it’s all about finding ways to cut yourself some slack when you’re the one adding the most pressure to the mix.

So, what happens when you release this self-induced pressure?

You regain control. You get to decide whether it’s helping or hurting you.

It’s all about recognizing your power to become aware of how you are relating to your life, knowing what drives your behaviours and then choosing if that’s how you want to continue or not.

Here are three significant outcomes that come from managing self-imposed pressure using the steps outlined above.

Nervous system regulation:

When you can consciously choose to release some of the self-imposed pressures your nervous system will start to regulate.

These pressures have been creating a high stress response in your nervous system so once you release those pressures your body gets the memo that it doesn’t need to stay in ‘fight or flight’ mode.

The stress ebbs away, and it’s like your body lets out a big sigh of relief, shifting into ‘rest and digest’ mode.

That means it can now focus on healing and regaining balance. And as a bonus, when you release that self-imposed pressure, you stop wrestling with unrealistic standards, giving your nervous system a break. The result? A calmer, more peaceful you.

Reclaiming Personal Power:

Releasing self-imposed pressure is like taking back the steering wheel of your life. When you perform the self-pressure check, you regain control over your own thoughts and expectations.

This means you’re no longer at the mercy of unrealistic demands and deadlines you’ve set for yourself. 

You can release yourself from buying into the societal conditioning that says you have to be ‘this or that’ to be successful.

You can examine your own expectaations and ask if they are healthy or if you even want to push yourself towards them.

Choosing your own pathway becomes the reward, how you feel in control even when everything outside of you seems to be up in the air.

Inviting Joy and Happiness:

Self-imposed pressure is a joy-killer. It steals the space where happiness should reside.

When you perform the self-pressure check and ease up on yourself, you create room for joy and happiness to return to your life.

“Think about it: when you kick self imposed stress to the curb, you’re there in the moment with your friends, laughing out loud instead of just typing ‘lol.’

Your days and upcoming plans become something you’re genuinely excited about, not just things to get through.

The best part is, you’ll enjoy yourself again. When you’re in the self imposed pressure prison its usually riddled with personal jusgement and nothing kills joy more than stress and judgment. 

So my friends, it’s time to take the self pressure and see what’s at play for you. You may be in store for a few epihanies and a whole load more personal power and stress relief!

Let me know how you get on in the comments!